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KruseKontrol
@RCKruseKontrol
I once confused a tube of superglue with a tube of lube. It was horrible. My model plane kept slipping apart
erin chack
@ErinChack
A good way to respond to someone telling you they ran a marathon is to ask if they won
chuuch
@ch000ch
therapist: good, good. now say it with confidence. me: NO DESSERT JUST THE CHECK PLEASE THANKS
Sean Leahy
@thepunningman
Clerk: Name? Batman: It's Batman Clerk: And your first name? Batman: That's it Clerk: Sir, I need both or you can't withdraw any funds Batman: This is ridiculous, I'm the richest man in Clerk: in…? Batman: …nowhere
todd dillard
@toddedillard
asked my 5-year-old what she wanted for dinner and she said “not a burned quesadilla” bc in the summer of 2019 I overcooked one side of her quesadilla
seth
@sethfromcove
My wife makes 3x more than I do a month. You think I’m embarrassed? You think I’m hurt not being the breadwinner? Not one bit. I do the dishes like the good little husband I am.
Ms Sorensen Fan Account
@LNutboi
Mom you don’t get it. This one doesn’t like anime, she’s different
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