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Jeffrey Hadz
@Hadzilla
8 maids a milking is probably the only day of Christmas I can jack off to
Josh
@iwearaonesie
How much longer? Did you bring any snacks? They want $5 for M&M's! I wanna go home Is it over yet? - me watching my kids Christmas pageant
Matt Lesniewski
@MattLesniewski
Congrats to @jgrn307, you're the winner! Thank you to everyone who entered the giveaway. https://t.co/tct05KGkdb
Anil Swarup
@swarup58
An idea can fructify, sustain and scale only if it is politically acceptable, socially desirable, technology feasible, financially viable, administratively doable and judicially tenable. https://t.co/3Qnx7JhYw4
neff ?️
@neff_goldblum
Ed Harris punching James Cameron in the face for filming him almost drown is my kink, don’t @ me.
Conan O'Brien
@ConanOBrien
Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth.
YEOLO™
@tzehern_
forgot to check out of SafeEntry and now the government thinks i've been at don don donki for 17 days
Boog
@bewgtweets
I call my nipples The Godfather because no one is interested in seeing the third one
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