@jeff_crisanti
if white claw doesn’t make a peppermint flavored holiday seltzer and call it santa claws i will riot
@DrakeGatsby
Reminder to never stop the HUSTLE H ave a nap U se the couch for napping S leep during the day (nap) T ake frequent naps L ie down and nap E njoy a nice nap
@realDonaldTrump
Republicans are the party of LIBERTY, EQUALITY and JUSTICE for ALL. We are the Party of Abraham Lincoln and the party of LAW AND ORDER!
@ladygaga
Me: I need a cigarette. Me: No I’ll just vape. Mind: Locate file. DELETE.
@13adh13
I just want someone who looks at me the way my brother looks at ketchup
@keithedwards
Fun fact: Gay marriage has now been around longer than the Confederacy.
@BauerOutage
Dear hitters: If you hit a 3-0 homer off me, I will not consider it a crime. Dear people who are still mad about a hitter hitting: kindly get out of the game. Can’t believe we’re still talking about 3-0 swings. If you don’t like it, managers or pitchers, just be better.
@POTUS
You can’t love your country only when you win. You can't obey the law only when it's convenient. You can't be patriotic when you embrace or enable lies.
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