
@pixelatedboat
The main reason people don’t recognise sarcasm on twitter isn’t that sarcasm is hard to convey through text, it’s that they think everyone else on twitter is dumber than them

@astros
The #Astros have acquired Cuban minor league IF/OF Yordan Alvarez from the Los Angeles Dodgers in exchange for RHP Josh Fields.

@pompompuppyVA
Guys! Guys! Guess who just came back from a trip and guess what came in the mail!!! :3 I might be recording a ramblefap with it literally right now LMFAO I’m so pent up from my trip oh my god I need to just squirt my brains out nonstop right now HAISKSLLSLFLFM

@jacksfilms
Worst merch ever coming early July I'm so excited to wear it all month long

@mufaddal_vohra
India will be announcing their T20 World Cup squad by today evening or tomorrow.

@justinbieber
....that is why i like twitter. i can say it how it is. no one twisting things

@retirementkeys
Bruh you literally fucking die Wrap your head around that None of this shit matters Yet it all fucking matters immensely. Max it out GAS PEDAL

@ParikPatelCFA
There are three certainties in life: - Death - Taxes - Hedge funds underperforming the market

@mcugoldblum
marvel is legally not allowed to release anything when i die. the franchise dies with me.

@zachlanebryan
“I think we should all go get showered up, collect our thoughts, pray to our God and then burn this Dave and Busters to the ground”

@sammyforson
This life ehhh... E go over you if u live anyhow.... Find a partner.. Mellow give each other.. Develop a plan wer u both support each other... Be best of friends & partners & just work hard together & win.. See, we all go die.. Make sense of ur life at all levels & enjoy it??
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