Popular tweets

Second stage engine cutoff confirmed. New Glenn’s second stage and payload are now in orbit. Another burn coming up...

#FBF T-shirt inception @notsarahgreen ??

To make error is human. To propagate error to all server in automatic way is #devops.

i’m not like most girls, i’m a 330,000 pound completely aquatic marine animal

Remove the curfew Mr. President!

EXTREME close-range intercept of strong #tornado outside of Crockett Texas. Deployed graviton sensors and took a direct hit. We could hear the tornado several minutes before impact

@JustinqReid @PJGreenTV tuna ina can ?

PLANTS: imma wave my genitals in the air HUMANS: mmm fragrant

i’m drunk.. and i’m high.. and i’m in miami bitch

The transfer portal has killed high school recruiting.

i asked a girl to prom by giving her a fancy jewelry box with the note "will you Gogh to prom with me." inside the box was a fake bloody ear

drake the type of dude to fanclack at a show then get mad at u when u politely ask him to stop

On my way to vote in the elevator a woman asked me if I knew who I was voting for. I said yes. She said I hope PPC. I looked at her and said I’m gay and I love abortions. Anyway it got awkward after that.

Tell me you have brown parents without telling me you have brown parents:

Many of my brilliant friends are paralyzed by their intellects. Thinking overwhelms doing. Many of my successful friends are less reflective, but quick to action. They are always focused on moving forward. Making as many 'probably correct actions' as possible. A winning strategy.

once the toilet was clogged at my friend’s house and i learned that they did not have a plunger, and instead their mom would roll up her sleeves and unclog the shit with her hands